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shadow_lugia
Story: The Quest for the Legends (ILCOE)
Chapter: Chapter 8: The Master of the Clones
What were those lights doing, anyway? Were they of any signifigance? Or were they just random?Reply: Just an attempt at realistic light switches that might be in a Pokémon Gym, pretty much. :/
[06/23/2009 00:33:03]
Sapph
Story: The Quest for the Legends (ILCOE)
Chapter: The Ouen League – Chapter 48: The Second Preliminary
Gooooooooo Letal, or should I say Letaligon, you rule!
[06/20/2009 12:45:14]
elyvorg
Story: The Quest for the Legends (ILCOE)
Chapter: Chapter 44: Polaryu
“Chaletwo, you know where you put him,” Mark said in exasperation. “Where do we go?”
I was randomly skimming this chapter for no apparent reason and this caught my eye. Wouldn't this indicate to May that Chaletwo was the one who created Polaryu, which is something Mark seems to have an unspoken agreement with Chaletwo not to let her know?
While I'm at it, I'll just mention that I went and read the bit where they talk about the dragons in Chapter 31 just to make sure my point wasn't somehow dealt with there, and Chaletwo's reaction to May's suggestion that he just Death Stared Thunderyu was freaking adorable. I never quite realised why he acted like that before, but now I know how much he loves those widdle murderous dragons… x3Reply: …let's just say it slipped out but May wasn't paying enough attention to get suspicious. :D; Or maybe she assumed Chaletwo was just the one to seal him away, hence knowing of the locations of the other dragons, but not the one to create them. Or something.
(And yes, Chaletwo can be quite adorable. :3)
[06/19/2009 12:43:12]
Oh-Paching
Story: The Quest for the Legends (ILCOE)
Chapter: The Ouen League – Chapter 48: The Second Preliminary
Awesome job on this chapter! When the nurse told him that he couldn't use Charizard, I felt a rush of anger for him. Wow, that just proves how much I've bonded with the characters you have created!
Also, no offense, but it was really easy to predict the Letal vs. Letaligon battle.
[06/19/2009 01:01:18]
Destiny.EXE
Story: The Quest for the Legends (ILCOE)
Chapter: The Ouen League – Chapter 48: The Second Preliminary
nice work. I liked this chapter alot. Nice suprise with the evolution. Keep on writing!
[06/18/2009 01:16:55]
Raitora Kuro Yamiraku
Story: The Quest for the Legends (ILCOE)
Chapter: The Ouen League – Chapter 48: The Second Preliminary
E-P-I-C. That was so awesome, Butterfree. I can't wait to see what Letal–er, Letaligon– can do.
[06/17/2009 20:27:23]
Pikachu Goddess
Story: The Quest for the Legends (ILCOE)
Chapter: The Ouen League – Chapter 48: The Second Preliminary
Magnificent battle! Frankly, having Letal evolve caught me off guard. I wonder how she's feeling about that… XD
[06/16/2009 19:24:24]
SilverLatios47
Story: The Quest for the Legends (ILCOE)
Chapter: The Ouen League – Chapter 48: The Second Preliminary
Wow…Letal evolving gave me goosebumps..this battle makes me wish that the line were real pokemon. Amazing battle, I bet even May will be impressed.
[06/16/2009 15:45:16]
shadow_lugia
Story: The Quest for the Legends (ILCOE)
Chapter: The Ouen League – Chapter 48: The Second Preliminary
"They were all cheering for him – him and Letal."
Does it say Letal just because Mark still thinks of her as Letal, or is that a typo?
Otherwise:
This makes me want to flip through the channels, trying to find the battles on TV. I guess I'll just have to stick to watching History D:Reply: The idea is that they were cheering for Letal's evolution into Letaligon, and thus for Letal. (That and saying "him and Letaligon" would be ambiguous - you have no idea how much trouble it was to try to word everything so that it would be clear which Letaligon is being referred to without it being awkward.)
[06/16/2009 00:12:31]
SilverLatios47
Story: The Fall of a Leader
Chapter: Part IV: Razor
When Stormblade went back to Pearl's body, it made me cry a little.
[06/15/2009 21:45:56]
ivymeleon
Story: The Quest for the Legends (ILCOE)
Chapter: The Ouen League – Chapter 47: The First Preliminary
This is a very good story.
It actually was a good idea to have Mark lose – it makes it more realistic.
[06/15/2009 18:19:08]
Chucho
Story: The Quest for the Legends (IALCOTN)
Chapter: Chapter 3: The Test
How can the final for a class be only ten questions?Reply: It's not ten questions; it's an integer grade out of ten (which is what I'm used to from our school system).
[06/15/2009 03:30:42]
Chucho
Story: The Quest for the Legends (IALCOTN)
Chapter: Chapter 1: Ultimatum
For the beginning, I think you should add a bit more of the agitation from the classroom to contrast the calmness of the outdoors. The Rattata thing seemed sort of random, to be honest.
I don't know why, but "Er" seems to hint at nervousness more than apathy. Perhaps it's the teeth clenching.
I /hate/ it when people say whatever. Perhaps it's because my mother says it a lot and I hate my mother, or maybe it's because the similar things I say instead like "Okay." at least acknowledge that the person said something at all. I think the first.
First person thoughts actually work for this. It's nice. I read it a second time, however, and it seems sort of /aggressive/.
It feels as if the class was empty, so it took a while to realize that there were children exiting after the bell rang. Perhaps you could have the children laugh at one of his remarks, like in the old version of this chapter.
I think "to match his mood." is unnecessary, as there's been stories with psychic weather since forever. As you sort of say, it's a mocking of my interpretation skills.
Ooh… Cliffhanger. :3Reply: You make good points; thanks for the crit. :3 Particularly on the class feeling empty - I didn't notice it before, but now I definitely see it.
About the "Er", it was not precisely meant to express apathy; it was more of a general hesitation thing.
I need to revise the IALCOTN soon…
[06/14/2009 21:24:31]
SilverLatios47
Story: The Quest for the Legends (ILCOE)
Chapter: The Ouen League – Chapter 46: Day One
-commenting on the extra-
Weird, didn't May say waaaaay earlier in the fic that she thought Quilava was okay, but she hated Cyndaquil?
Reply: She did, and she does kind of like Quilava. The point of the extra is that she is denying the fact she has conflicted feelings about releasing her, and insisting to herself that she hates Quilava anyway (even though she doesn't) is a sort of final seal of justification on it.
[06/14/2009 06:01:32]
SilverLatios47
Story: The Quest for the Legends (ILCOE)
Chapter: Chapter 40: In the Dark
Victor is so cool xD
And thus starts the problem with Letal..I really hope she evolves, she's so much smarter then what Mark thinks she is. Besides, Letaligon even looks way awesome O_O
[06/14/2009 05:17:47]
SilverLatios47
Story: The Quest for the Legends (ILCOE)
Chapter: Chapter 33: Thunderyu
This is such an epic battle, the RBY Champion music should be playing in the background!
[06/14/2009 03:13:31]
SilverLatios47
Story: The Quest for the Legends (ILCOE)
Chapter: Chapter 15: Darkness and Poison
"A huge, orange, spider-like Pokémon with black markings and six legs striped"
Ariados has four legs.Reply: I know that now, odd as it is.
[06/13/2009 21:22:39]
SilverLatios47
Story: The Quest for the Legends (ILCOE)
Chapter: Chapter 6: The Mammal, the Monster and the Mental Change
I hate to have to point out a lot of mistakes in this chapter, but:
“Dragon rage!” Mark roared.
Both words of Dragon Rage should be capatilized, shouldn't they? They are in the games. Same goes for Sky Attack. Raikou used Calm Mind to power up Crunch, right? It would be Bulk Up, because Crunch is a physical attack.Reply: Dragon Rage: I know; I wrote that in 2004 when I had no idea how English capitalizations worked (in Icelandic you only ever capitalize the first word of titles and so on).
Calm Mind and Crunch: I wrote that in 2004 when Ruby and Sapphire had just come out, Crunch was still special and there was no reason to think it ever would be otherwise.
[06/13/2009 19:32:38]
shadow_lugia
Story: The Quest for the Legends (ILCOE)
Chapter: Chapter 2: The Book
A few questions to ask:
1. What color is Mysticrown? It says that she has purple gems, white wings, magenta mane and tail, but what color is her body?
2. Does Darkhan have a horn? And if he does, what does it look like?
3. It says near the end that Chaletwo is the most powerful Pokemon in the world, tied with someone else. It doesn't state who he's tied with, because Mark leaves the library then. However, this Pokemon tied with Chaletwo would be Molzapart, correct?
Yes, these are completely pointless, but after reading them over again they're beginning to bug the heck out of me :PReply: 1. Mysticrown is white.
2. Darkhan has a generic unicorn horn.
3. Yes, that would be Molzapart. In earlier versions of this chapter, it explicitly described Molzapart, but I cut it out in the ILCOE because I thought Molzapart was too silly to introduce so early in the story as if he's going to be important.
[06/09/2009 00:29:50]
SilverLatios47
Story: The Quest for the Legends (ILCOE)
Chapter: Chapter 3: Vuiiii!
“Bye dad! Bye mom! I promise I won’t get myself killed!”
Shouldn't dad aand mom be capatilized, because they are being used as names, therefor they are proper nouns.Reply: Yeah, they should be.
[06/07/2009 22:08:40]