The Quest for the Legends

Prolouge:

She did it. SandStorm and her team were standing on a platform; they became Master Rank Explorers. SandStorm and her team weren't like the other Pokemon. No, they were different. When she was about to give her speech, a Porygon-Z of their kind appeared and used Ancient Power. SandStorm quickly used Sonic Boom to destroy the rocks, and the attack was vaporized completely. She thought she'd done it again when…

THUNK!

A young female Buisle woke up after smashing her head into the wall with a yelp of pain which woke up her older siblings.

"What is it? Was that pitifull sneaking attempt to kill us in our sleep, or to steal stuff from us?" Asked one of her brothers in a cold, harsh tone, he was the youngest of her siblings, but she was still younger.

"Shut up, Vortex!" Yelled Tsunami, the oldest," Are you OK, SandStorm?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." She said, looking at her other two brothers, Hydro and Jet, who were looking at her with concern.

"Come on! Lighten up! Tomorows your big day!" Smiled Tsunami.

"Yeah, but there is a downside, however," She smiled," I have to see Vortex every day!" Everybody but the furious Vortex burst out laughthing.

'Tsunami is right' SSB thought as she went back to bed,' Tomorow really is my big day, tomorow, I'll become an explorer!'

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Now, I don't want anybody saying things like:

"Porigon-Z can't learn Ancient Power!" Explained in chapter 1

"What is an R.A.P.?" Explained in chapter 1

"Who's SSB?" who else but SandStorm? I stated that its a female and that she's the only female in the chapter.

etc.

Erm, why not?

That's why.

Hm. I do not see anything explaining R.A.P.

It will be explained in chapter 1!

Well, nice but fairly short. SSB, what do you say about that you will read my story whenever theres a new chapter and that iwill read yours too?
Hi DGF!

Now, I'm not giving chapter names.

Chapter 1:

SandStorm and her brothers were walking towards the Wiggilituff guild, her brothers only came home about once a year for only a week or two, her older brothers were the renoun exploration team; the Buisle Bro.s, they were well known for catching outlaw R.A.P.s.

R.A.P. stands for 'Radio Active Pokemon', they were coloured differently, had an extra type and a move they aren't suppose to learn, all of the known R.A.P. adults are dangerous criminals, but SandStorm and her two friends vowed to be different, as an R.A.P., SandStormBuisle (SSB) had sandy brown fur on her body and a sandy orange float, bizarly, the 'fins' on her arms remained deep blue, but they were extremly sharp, she also had long scars from the bottom of her neck down to her stomach in a diagonal outward line, she got it when she was really young, the was crying and put her hands on her eyes, in the middle of it she renched her arm downwards, cutting her self badly, she was named after her special move: Sand Storm.
On the way they met up with SandStorm's friends, Thunder the yellow Aerodactyl and Solar the Green Amphish, Thunder knew Volt tackle and had a lightning bolt coming out of his eyes, facing backwards and Solar knew Solar Beam and had green moss on her backfin, she also put flowers under her head fin, Solar was a grass type and Thunder was an electric type, SSB was ground.

"You sure you don't want to come with us? It'll save us a lot of trouble." Asked Tsunami, he was the team leader.

"Nah, we'll be fine, just tell them that a yellow Aerodactyl, a green Amphish and a sandy Buisle are coming and want to join." Said SSB, she didn't want to be introduced to the guild as the famous Buisle Bro.s' little sister, she wanted to be introduced as an R.A.P. Exploration team leader.

"OK, I'll do it!" Vortex yelled exitedly, she knew he was up to something, but she didn't care, what could he possibly do?

"Well, I've really got to go, Dugtrio will go nuts if I'm not there in five minutes!" Yelled Jet and ran towards the guild, unlike his siblings, Jet worked at the notice boards, because of the increased outlaw activity activated by the growth in the R.A.P. population, the outlaw notice board holds hundreds of jobs everyday, first Jet puts up the help requests and then he helps Dugtrio put up the outlaw requests.

"Well," Said Solar after SSB's brothers left," Should we get going?"

"Yeah," Said SSB, looking at the far-of Guild," We should get going." And the three friends set of towards their destiny.

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I think I diserve an originality bonus, it may be treasure town with the guild and all, but I will make new dungeons, stands, pokemon and story line! Atleast it isn't the 'One day a person woke up and discovered he was a pokemon'.

Nice. Care to take a look on my story and comment?

Chapter 2:

SSB and her friends were walking towards the guild, it was shaped like a Wiggilituff's head with a door in the mouth and windows for the eyes, SSB and her future teammates stood on a grid on the floor for feet verification.

"A Buisle, an Amphish and an Aerodactyl." Said a voice from bellow, whom belonged to Diglett.

"Heard yah'! Come in visitor…" A Loudred appeared through the doorway and stopped dead when he saw them, he took out a note pad and started asking questions, which the team answered." Names?"

"SandStorm Buisle, Solar Phish and Thunder Storm." SSB answered, pointing at the pokemon when she said the name, she assumed they needed the surname too.

"Special move?"

"Sandstorm, Solar Beam and Volt Tackle." Well, they are R.A.P.s, but this was more like taking notes of outlaws, she saw her brothers doing it when she went to get some food, the towns pokemon got used to her and paid no heed to the fact that she was what she was, whilst she pondered on that, the Loudred took more notes.

"Good, now, R.A.P. ALLERT! I REPEAT! R.A.P. ALLERT!" Shouted Loudred, and all of the guild pokemon came running.

"Wait! We just want to join!" Yelled Solar, trying to explain, SSB saw Vortex smiling at the back, he didn't tell them… She'll get him.
SSB's eyes glowed dark purple, and she did what all R.A.P.s do when that happens, she unleashed her special move: Sandstorm.

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SSB's eyes glowed dark purple, she started ascending, as if something was pushing her off the ground, and then, she unleashed her Sandstorm move. Powerful winds were drawn in towards SandStorm, forming a towering twister of sand, the front rows of the guild pokemon were sucked in, Politoed, Loudred, Sunflora, Bidoof, Chimeco and even Diglet were sucked in along with others. The lines of guild pokemon were sucked in one by one, even the legendary team SeedFlare were sucked into the vortex.
Once there was nobody infront of Vortex, she shot towards him, powered by the winds of the broken vortex, she was going to get him, she'll show him… She pulled back her fist with extreme difficlty, she was about to punch him when she felt a tug at the tail and…
CRASH!
She crashed into the sand covered earth at her brother's feet, Tsunami had appeared from nowhere and grabbed her by the tail, he lifted his arm so that she was dangling up side down and looking at her only Floatzel brother in the eyes, the guild pokemon began to cheer, apparently they got the other two.

"What was that all about?" He asked, the confused pokemon stopped cheering.

"Its not my fault!" SandStorm protested," Vortex didn't tell them! That lowzy Loudred yelled 'R.A.P. allert' and they all attacked us! I also saw Vortex's smug smile."

"Calm down, sis," Hydro said," We'll sort this out."

"SIS!?" Yelled all of the guild pokemon," Vortex, why didn't you tell us that your sister was an R.A.P.?"

"Oops, I guess I forgot." Vortex giggled nastily, when suddenly, he was hit by a Solar beam.

"Sorry, my mistake, I still can't controll it." Solar gave a mistevious smile. SandStorm knew perfectly well that Solar has recently mastered her Solar beam attack, but her brothers didn't.

"well, we should give your team a name now, shouldn't we?" Asked Tsunami.

"Yes, well, how about, R.A.P.?" Suggested Thunder.

"Yeah, Team R.A.P. sounds good." The girls aggreed.

"Its settled than," Said Wiggilituff," Welcome aboard, explorers!"

"Yes!" The newly formed team leaped with joy infront of the shocked onlookers.

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So, what do you think?
Now, for those who didn't understand, I mean that when R.A.P.s unleash their special move, their eyes glow dark purple.

Chapter 3:

The Duskull bank exploded into smitherines as a spikey, humanoid pokemon jumped out of the debry with a sack of gold tied to his tail, he raced over to the entrance of the Swamp Cavern dungeon, it was about to enter it when he heard the sound of Magnemites behind him, he stopped and sent a Focus Blast at them, he smiled and fled into the dungeon, pleased with his escape.

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That morning a young trio of R.A.P.s were at the guild munching away on their breakfasts, when they finnished their sixth bowls they took in air, and… "More pleased!" They all shouted, an exosted Chimecho gave them their food while the rest of the guild stared on.
"Get used to it, they always eat this much." Jet told his fellow explorers between bites, "Vortex's appetite got this big when he tried to beat SSB at an eating contest, he's still trying."

Later, after everybody finnished eating and each R.A.P. had 13 empty food bowls infront of them, Chatot decided to give them their equiptment, they got their explorers badges, their exploration bag, and some weird scarves, one pink, one red and one blue.
"Now listen up, your first job is to catch a Kinder, it robbed Duskull bank last night and escaped to Swamp Cavern, your job is to catch him." Chatot told them.
"A Kinder, eh?" SSB asked, Kinders are little humanoid pokemon with lightning bolts all over their bodys, "That Electric Pokemon is going down." She said confidently.

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The team were walking within the dungeon for a while, they didn't see any pokemon yet, untill they saw a Mudkip up ahead.
"Tackle!" It yelled and charged at SandStorm.
"Now it gets interesting," She smiled jumped up and used one of her combination moves, when young, she and her friends combined moves to make better ones, this was their first chance to test them for real," Sonic Storm!" She shouted, she started spinning, she then unleashed her Sonic Boom attack, her tail endings and fin blades glowed white and sent out the attack time and time again, the sonic cuts went all over the place, hitting some Woopers, Barboachs, some more Mudkips and even an Amphish, when it knocked them out, they were teleported away, all of the wild pokemon in the area were blown away, all but that one Mudkip, it just laid there, hurt and grimy, but still consious, the attack blew of the grime, as SSB landed, her blue scarf fluttering in the winds she created, she relized, that the Mudkip's skin, under all that grime, was yellow.
"Hehehe," It laughed," it'll take more than that to take me down, Shock Wave!" His attack hit her dead on, but she didn't feel a thing, this R.A.P. is a ground type after all.
"Is that the best you can do?" She asked," Let's see you fight dead on!" They both charged at each other, SandStorm snickered and jumped at the last second, while the confused and furious Mudkip charged head on into Solar's Solar beam, when the light cleared, he was gone," Well now, that was a good fight," She smiled," Let's keep going."

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When they reached the final floor's stairway, they stopped.
"We should put together a plan," Said Thunder," This Kinder is much more powerful then those push offs, we need a plan!"
After they decided on a plan of attack, they entered the final room, where the Kinder awaited them.

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"Hehehe! It was so easy to steal all this gold from that foolish Dusklops! Now I just have to wait for the boss to pick it up, hehe!" The Kinder chuckled, but then a female voice from behind him," Stop right there, theif!" He turned around to see three R.A.P.s, a Buisle, an Amphish, and an Aerodactyl, standing in the passage, the team has arrived.

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"That wasn't part of the plan!" Thunder whispered in SandStorm's ear," The plan was to launch a sneak attack."
"Who cares? Let's go get him!" She answered and ran forward," Mud Storm!" She shouted, she unleashed her SandStorm at the R.A.P. Kinder, normally, Kinders are blue with yellow lightning bolts, this guy's lightning bolts were purple. Once the SandStorm fully formed, she let out her Water Pulse attack into the sandstorm, turning the sand to mud, then she sent the whole sandstorm at the Kinder, who tried to stop it with Thunder Bolt, but the attack hit it's mark, throwing the criminal back and into a special wall, what Swamp Cavern was famous for; it's Moon Stones, the Kinder glowed white and began to transform, his hands became drills, his tail grew longer and grew a lightning bolt shaped sickle at the end, all of the lightning bolts covering his body bended together making an armored back, his ears turned into lightning bolts, his three toed feet grew larger and now held claws, he evolved into a Dinder, one of Kinder's evolved forms, normally, Dinders are yellow, but he was still purple." Dig!" Shouted the newly evolved Dinder as he dug into the earth.
"Plan Earthquake, go!" Shouted SSB, she and Solar jumped on Thunder, who then flew up high and dived down at top speed, just before they crashed, he changed angle and slamed his foot down, the Electric/Ground type Pokemon was knocked out of the ground, but he was very fast and ran towards them while screaming his attack:" Thunder Punch Barrage!" Electricity started circling around his drills as he pulled one of them back and slamed it into SSB's stomach, and then another, and another, and another,and many more, but then he was blasted by Solar's Solar Beam.
"What was that attack?" Groaned SSB, an Electric attack shouldn't affect her.
"Comet Punch, clearly his special move." Solar explained.
"Then blast him with that move your mother taught you Thunder!" She groaned. Thunder's mother used to ran the move tutor stand, it's where pokemon can learn moves they wouldn't normally learn and there was no TM/HM for, but you needed to find a tutor disk for it, and they were really rare, she taught them a bunch of moves for free and helped them practise their combos, she was so nice, too bad about what happened to her…
Thunder flew high, took a deep breath and unleashed the move when SSB ordered him to:" Aeroblast!!!" She yelled as Thunder unleashed a powerful breath of wind, the Dinder was so surprised that he didn't even try to dodge the attack, he lay unconsous in a huge pit created by the attack.
The group carried the unconsous criminal out of the dungeon along with the stolen loot, they handed them both over to Manezone to recieve their prize: 200 poke'dollars, a Max Elixir and a Reviver Seed. But the best reward was the knowlage that they had completed their first ever mission!

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Two figures stood in an upper floor of Swamp cavern, they watched the whole battle between the Kinder/Dinder and the exploration team R.A.P.
"He has failed you, my lord," Said a wary voice, obviosly from the smaller pokemon," What now, my lord?"
"Keep an eye on the Buisle, she may come in handy, this little incident was merely a slight setback, we are still going forth with my plan." Said the over one.


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So, what do you think? I'll add the dex entrys later.

I've added a couple of paragraphs, as promised

Hm… You do have something going there with the R.A.P. business. It will be wonderful if you were able to upload some scans on your original Pokemon. So you want me to crit you or no?

Sure! Everybody's welcome, just don't be too harsh, OK?

Alright. Don't worry, I don't bite people's heads off… Unless you're a Gummi person. Personally, I think you're doing pretty well so far. The one main thing you have trouble with is run on sentences.

For example, your opening paragraph:

She did it, SandStorm and her team were standing on a platform, they became Master Rank Explorers, SandStorm and her team weren't like the other pokemon, they were different, when she was about to give her speech, a Porigon-Z of their kind appeared and used Ancient Power, SandStorm used Sonic Boom to distroy the rocks, the attack was vaporized completly, she thought she'd done it again when…

Most of the commas in there can be replaced by periods, like so:

She did it. SandStorm and her team were standing on a platform; they became Master Rank Explorer. SandStorm and her team weren't like the other pokemon. They were different. Ehen she was about to give her speech, a Porigon-Z of their kind appeared and used Ancient Power. SandStorm used Sonic Boom to distroy the rocks. The attack was vaporized completly. She thought she'd done it again when…

Of course, when put in this format, some of the sentences sound a bit awkward because they were meant to be in a single sentence before. But since you're a writer, you can always change up the format and combine them. This is just me, but I would do this:

She did it. SandStorm and her team were standing on a platform; they became Master Rank Explorers. SandStorm and her team weren't like the other Pokemon. No, they were different. When she was about to give her speech, a Porygon-Z of their kind appeared and used Ancient Power. SandStorm quickly used Sonic Boom to destroy the rocks, and the attack was vaporized completely. She thought she'd done it again when…

Only minor changes, with a few words added in. See how there's a better flow? Don't worry about run-ons though. It's one of the harder things to correct in writing. So, my advice for you right now is to watch your sentence length. If a sentence is more than three lines long, you should consider splitting it. There are also some minor spelling issues, but all that's fixable in Word.

Keep up the writing.

The comma thing is a slight problem of mine, I often over use them if I don't try not to, and when I try not to, I under use them.

Anyways, thanks.

Kinda interesting. I like the plot, but you basically took the name 'shiny' and changed it to R.A.P. Other than that your story is pretty good and I am looking forward to the next chapter!t

R.A.P. pokemon also know move's they shouldn't know, they also have distorted body parts and a larger-then-normal appetite, think how much an R.A.P. Snorlax eats!

O.K I think I understand R.A.Ps a bit better now. And if a regular Snorlax eats about 800-900 pounds a day (I think) then a R.A.P Snorlax will eat………..1100-1450?

A normal Buisle eats 2 bowls of food max, an R.A.P. eats 13 bowls of food, do the maths yourself.

Whoa! That's more food than I expected. So 9000-12500. Wonder how a Snorlax can fit that in his stomach?