Comments on Chapter 1: Ultimatum
Pages: 1
Latias spirit
Story: The Quest for the Legends (IALCOTN)
Chapter: Chapter 1: Ultimatum
I'm reading this one now (Obviously as I'm posting this). So this version doesn't have Chalenor in the prologue? HMM.
[01/14/2016 03:48:06]
Dylan
Story: The Quest for the Legends (IALCOTN)
Chapter: Chapter 1: Ultimatum
Wow! This is awesome already! I can imagine this happening….
[01/31/2014 15:37:12]
UnknownEspeon
Story: The Quest for the Legends (IALCOTN)
Chapter: Chapter 1: Ultimatum
If the creature with the purple tail is Mewtwo [forgive me if i'm wrong] I think its toes are more paw-like… not bulgy….
please forgive typos… my DS hates me…..
ps: good job… i really felt what it was feeling
[01/15/2014 09:55:41]
Hashiro
Story: The Quest for the Legends (IALCOTN)
Chapter: Chapter 1: Ultimatum
I can somewhat relate with Mark. Many people tell me that art isn't going to help with my future, to which I would get frustrated at. I do remember getting scolded like that back in my elementary days, when my notebooks would be half-filled with doodles. Hehe. :) I'm excited to see how the Pokemon communicate with the humans.
[04/30/2013 11:38:01]
brandon
Story: The Quest for the Legends (IALCOTN)
Chapter: Chapter 1: Ultimatum
that teacher is mean
[06/06/2012 17:12:34]
LOLA
Story: The Quest for the Legends (IALCOTN)
Chapter: Chapter 1: Ultimatum
WHY THERE NO STUPID WORD
IT RATED G?
BUT YOU THINK IT PG 13 AND R!Reply: I have a very hard time puzzling out what you're trying to say in these two comments you made, but I think you're insinuating that Spirit should be PG-13 because it contains the word "stupid", whereas the prologue should be G because it doesn't? If I'm reading that correctly, then I think you're pretty confused about ratings, because the word "stupid" appears all the time in G-rated works, and TQftL is rated as it is chiefly for violence, not language.
[01/08/2012 22:50:18]
Kiri
Story: The Quest for the Legends (IALCOTN)
Chapter: Chapter 1: Ultimatum
Waaait. Is this supposed to be about your fake Pokemon or what?Reply: There are fake Pokémon in it and there are real Pokémon in it. It's not "about" my fake Pokémon in the same sense it's not "about" my made-up Gym leaders.
[02/03/2011 19:12:09]
ShinyRedEon
Story: The Quest for the Legends (IALCOTN)
Chapter: Chapter 1: Ultimatum
Yeah, now that i read it agian it does seem kida like the class is empty. Also I don't think a teacher would call one of her students idiot… -_-;;;
[04/08/2010 09:19:47]
ShinyRedEon
Story: The Quest for the Legends (IALCOTN)
Chapter: Chapter 1: Ultimatum
Pokemon speech, okay…. I think you did the character building really well though.
[04/08/2010 09:16:05]
ShinyRedEon
Story: The Quest for the Legends (IALCOTN)
Chapter: Chapter 1: Ultimatum
I love the description, it just makes me want to read the rest of the story and find out what happens. Im excited now 8D, even though i was just reading it cuz i was going crazy with boredom.
[04/08/2010 09:11:22]
ShinyRedEon
Story: The Quest for the Legends (IALCOTN)
Chapter: Chapter 1: Ultimatum
Hmmmmm like it. Even though it keeps moving between past and present tence.
[04/08/2010 09:06:44]
Chucho
Story: The Quest for the Legends (IALCOTN)
Chapter: Chapter 1: Ultimatum
For the beginning, I think you should add a bit more of the agitation from the classroom to contrast the calmness of the outdoors. The Rattata thing seemed sort of random, to be honest.
I don't know why, but "Er" seems to hint at nervousness more than apathy. Perhaps it's the teeth clenching.
I /hate/ it when people say whatever. Perhaps it's because my mother says it a lot and I hate my mother, or maybe it's because the similar things I say instead like "Okay." at least acknowledge that the person said something at all. I think the first.
First person thoughts actually work for this. It's nice. I read it a second time, however, and it seems sort of /aggressive/.
It feels as if the class was empty, so it took a while to realize that there were children exiting after the bell rang. Perhaps you could have the children laugh at one of his remarks, like in the old version of this chapter.
I think "to match his mood." is unnecessary, as there's been stories with psychic weather since forever. As you sort of say, it's a mocking of my interpretation skills.
Ooh… Cliffhanger. :3Reply: You make good points; thanks for the crit. :3 Particularly on the class feeling empty - I didn't notice it before, but now I definitely see it.
About the "Er", it was not precisely meant to express apathy; it was more of a general hesitation thing.
I need to revise the IALCOTN soon…
[06/14/2009 21:24:31]
Groudon
Story: The Quest for the Legends (IALCOTN)
Chapter: Chapter 1: Ultimatum
Not realy.
Its Grate!!!
[03/21/2009 15:11:47]
Groudon
Story: The Quest for the Legends (IALCOTN)
Chapter: Chapter 1: Ultimatum
NO PICTURES!!
BORRING!!!!!!!
[03/21/2009 15:10:37]
CoolDude
Story: The Quest for the Legends (IALCOTN)
Chapter: Chapter 1: Ultimatum
I'm hooked, that was pretty…amazing. It was described beautifully and I could feel its emotions. Lovin' it so far!
[12/30/2008 23:16:43]
Mamma
Story: The Quest for the Legends (IALCOTN)
Chapter: Chapter 1: Ultimatum
Búin að lesa formálann og fyrsta kafla. Líst vel á. Spennt að halda áfram. Vona að keppnin í gær og fyrradag hafi gengið vel og þú skemmtir þér í skoðunarferðunum næstu daga.
kveðja
mamma
[07/18/2008 16:52:37]
dylan
Story: The Quest for the Legends (IALCOTN)
Chapter: Chapter 1: Ultimatum
dont ask about the email…..anyway u have good detail in what u write and i wouldnt be surprised if u got your stuff published
[07/16/2008 18:03:44]
Butterfree
Story: The Quest for the Legends (IALCOTN)
Chapter: Chapter 1: Ultimatum
Test comment.Reply: Reply to the test comment.
[06/19/2008 22:11:03]
Pages: 1