Eternal Eclipse

Forum Index - Back to Your Own Fanfiction

Pages: 1


  • Posts: 1
Post #1
Hey, everyone! I'm new here, but I'm an aspiring writer looking for some criticism. I've been working on this fan fic for about three years now after having been inspired by The Quest for the Legends. I hope you enjoy my work, and I eagerly await your constructive remarks.



The crisp nighttime sea breeze blew through the open windows of the tiny house on the hill making the crudely made curtains flutter. Inside of the house, a new mother in her late twenties sat in a rocking chair, rocking back and forth nervously. Beside the woman, her newborn child lay sleeping in a small, wooden cradle. A lone lamp was on in the house, casting shadows into the corners and crevices of the room. A frightful and scary scene; it was anything but uncommon anymore. She had no idea where he was. All she could do was sit and wait.

From another room a small clock chimed hauntingly signaling the start of the one o’clock hour. The woman’s heart began beating faster. He had been gone far too long. The latest he had ever gotten back was eleven thirty. She had to find out where he was. The woman rose up from the chair and rushed outside into the darkness. Down the hill, she could see that the small town was quiet and still. She knew she was about to disturb the peace of the night, but surely the citizens would understand how desperate she was to know where he was.

The woman reached to the belt around her waist and removed a firm golf ball-sized object. She pressed a button on the object, and it instantly grew to the size of a softball in her hand. The woman brought the object up to her mouth and held it with both hands.

“Ampharos, please help me,” the woman whispered quietly to the ball. With a small grunt, she threw the object into the air. An explosion of light shot out of the object as it snapped open. The white light came down onto the hillside and morphed itself into a tall yellow creature, which greeted the woman with a small cry.

“Ampharos, he’s still not home. I know he said he’d be back sometime after dark, but I’m terribly worried about him. I need to know that he’s safe. Please, can you light up the area so I can see him the minute that he comes home,” the woman said with tears of worry forming in her eyes. The female Pokemon saw the woman’s sadness, and it seemed to take residence within her as well. She would do anything for the woman. She was her trainer.

With a nod of her large, yellow head, Ampharos began concentrating her electrical energies into the orange ball on the tip of her tail. With a sudden surge of energy and a cry of strain, the tip of the Pokemon’s tail exploded into a brilliant white light. The woman quickly brought up her arms to shield her eyes from the blinding light. In this radiance, everything could be seen for miles around. The huge maple tree beside the tiny house on the hill to the closed vender’s markets along the coast of the ocean was all illuminated. Nothing escaped Ampharos’s light. The woman cringed as she thought of all the people disturbed from their sleep. But finding her husband was worth it. The woman walked over to the large tree and sat at its base. She would be there to see the man as soon as she could.

It was another hour until the man’s figure could finally be spotted hiking up the hill. The woman saw him immediately and brought her hands to her face as she cried in relief. He was safe! The woman jumped to her feet and began running down the hill to meet the man. She leapt into his arms and began sobbing loudly.

“You’re okay! Oh thank God, you’re okay!” the woman cried.

“I told you not to worry about me, Sarah,” her husband said, returning her strong embrace.

“Not worry about you? Arthur, I love you! Don’t expect me to assume that you’re alright. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

The man let go of his wife and looked at her with loving eyes.

“We should go inside,” he said to her. The woman clung to the man’s arm as the couple walked to their house. Before they entered, the woman reached once again for the ball that held her Pokemon. She pointed it at the still shining Ampharos, and a beam of red light shot out from the button on the front of the ball. The light enveloped the woman’s creature. Ampharos’s body transformed into the red light and was retracted into the ball. The bright, white light disappeared as Ampharos did, leaving the hillside in the darkness of night once again.

As the man and woman entered their house, they were greeted by the happy giggle of their child who had woken from his sleep. The man smiled widely and walked over to the baby. As he hoisted him into his arms, he said with the love of a father,

“Well, look who’s up! Hello, Andy!” The man tickled the baby under his chin, which made the baby laugh and smile. The woman looked on happily.

“Sorry to ruin your fun, but I think it’s time Andy got back to sleep,” the woman said taking the child from her husband’s hands. She took him down the cramped hallway into the only bedroom in the house and laid him in his crib. As she walked back down the hallway, her husband began to speak to her.

“You should have seen my Pokemon. Their strength is becoming unbelievable! If they can keep up this pace, I’ll become a gym leader in no time. You wouldn’t believe what good training grounds the Tarnet Mountains make,” the man said. The woman hated to bring his spirit down, but she had to confront her husband about being gone. She sighed heavily and then said,

“Arthur, we need to talk. I know how badly you want to become a gym leader, but…I just…I don’t know if now’s the right time. I mean, we have a baby. I need you here to help raise him. If we had a gym here in Blystal Town then I would feel fine about it, but the nearest one is in Bromond City. I just don’t think it’s practical right now,” the woman told him. She felt bad bringing his hopes down, but she refused to spend another night waiting. The man put his hands on his wife’s shoulders.

“Then we can move. Let’s get out of this dinky house and get a nice big one in the city when I get my own gym,” he said in an attempt to convince her.

“You know that I love this house. Blystal Town is my home, and neither of us makes enough money to buy a bigger house anyway.”

“But if I get my own gym, then we will. Please, Sarah, this is my dream we’re talking about!”

“And what about Andrew’s dreams? When you decided to become a parent, you decided that for the rest of your life you were going to put your son first. I need you here. I don’t want to stay up until two in the morning waiting for you to come home. Wait until he becomes a trainer himself, and then you can chase your dreams. I know it’s hard, but we have to sacrifice things,” the woman said. She hated to bring her husband down, but he needed to know how badly he had worried her. At first her husband looked hurt, but then his face turned to one of understanding and compassion.

“I understand. I’m sorry,” the man said taking his wife in his arms once again. “I was just so caught up in my own thoughts and feelings, I forgot about yours. Please forgive me.” The woman smiled as she squeezed her husband tighter.

“Of course I forgive you.”


The next morning, the woman awoke to find her husband gone once again. This time, though, there was a letter left from him on the kitchen table:


I want you to know how much I love you. I would do anything in the world for you. However, right now my Pokemon and my shot at the title of gym leader are fighting to command my attention. I’ve thought a lot about this, and I hope that you’ll understand. In an attempt to try and provide for the two of you as best I can, I have to pledge my entire life to this goal. Having to spend days away from you, and having you constantly worry about me is not what I want, but I know that this is the way it has to be. In six months, I’ll be ready to become a gym leader, and when I do I’ll come back with money and success and we’ll be a happy family. For now, know that I will always love you. Please tell little Andy that I’ll be thinking about him all the time.


The woman read the letter through tear-filled eyes. He was gone once again, and he wouldn’t be back for a long time. She didn’t care if he still loved her. The decision he had made proved that he didn’t care for her at all. If his Pokemon were more important than she was, than there was no love for her. She had been abandoned.

Despite his letter, the woman still waited through that night, praying for him to return home. He never did. The days turned to weeks, and the weeks to months. The man never returned to the little house on the hill. Pokemon had stolen away the woman’s true love.

After nearly four months of living without him, she made a decision to change the rest of her life. The woman walked out of the town and into the outlying wilderness. She unhooked each of the six balls and summoned the Pokemon stored within them. Ampharos, Vileplume, Lucario, Delcatty, Gardevoir, and Rapidash appeared in fantastic displays of light. Each one was different from the other. Most of them had been with her since the first days of her career as a trainer. Once they had been let out of their balls, the woman spoke to them.

“I know that you have never done anything wrong to me. You’ve always loved and supported me, but I feel like a hypocrite. Pokemon have stolen away my husband. Be sure, it wasn’t your fault, but so long as I call myself a trainer he and I share a common bond. This decision is difficult, but I can’t be with you anymore. Pokemon have torn my life apart. I’m sorry, but I am no longer your trainer. Go out into the wild,” the woman paused to wipe her nose, “and leave my son and I alone.”

With that, the woman turned away from her Pokemon and began walking back to her house. The different Pokemon looked on with feelings of confusion and sadness. This woman had been their trainer since she was a young girl. Now they were being released into the wild. Why were they being punished for someone else’s actions? Once the woman had disappeared from sight, the Pokemon slowly made their way down the road or into the surrounding vegetation. They were heartbroken to leave their trainer, and they had no idea what to do next.

As the woman entered her house, she walked back into the bedroom to see her son. He lay sleeping in his crib. He was peaceful. Oblivious to the pain and sadness that surrounded his mother. He didn’t understand. He wouldn’t have to.

“Don’t worry, Andrew,” the woman spoke softly to the baby while stroking his thin, wispy hair. “I’ll never let Pokemon take you away from me. It’s just going to be the two of us from now on, and we’ll do just fine. You’ll see.” A single tear ran down the face of the woman. “You’ll see.”

Sands Buisle

  • Posts: 351
Post #2
Nice, sad story. keep going!

Please check out my Fan Fics (They're in this forum).

I'm not always rational, but I think people think I am.

… errazib nialp tsuj era serutangis emos ,wonk ouy.

Buisle is the ruler of the seven seas of sand, it is the terror of all Floatzel!

Man, I wrote Fics of three different Pokemon story types! What's next?! A wild Pokemon fic?! Hmmmmm…

Pages: 1

Forum Index - Back to Your Own Fanfiction