Chapter 63 up

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Butterfree

  • Posts: 1781
Post #1
Chapter 63: Recovery is up. I know I meant to not post anything until I'd finished the whole thing, but it's been a while and I doubt I'm going to make any drastic edits to this chapter from here, so eh, why not.

I'm getting nicely into the editing gear now (after the distraction of opal encouraging me to write Community fic), so I expect to make more progress over the next days/weeks.

I'm also updating the plot recap page, since that's been out of date since chapter 62 went up.



COMMENTARY DONE

Kevin

(guest)

Post #2
Reading this as soon as finish my homework. Can't wait.

SilverLatios47

  • Posts: 93
Post #3
Yes! Finally!! *weeps with joy*



Still waiting desperately for the next chapter.

Negrek

(guest)

Post #4
Ah, good to see another chapter up. I know how much longer it can take to do editing than one might expect…

Robin seems to join up rather abruptly here. She kind of expresses interest out of the blue, even though presumably the crew's been hanging out with her for a few hours at least, waiting for Mark to wake up. So why didn't she ask to join up with them earlier, presumably during the part where they were getting the story about how the end of the world is coming? In general, there's some kind of awkward dialogue in here that primarily comes of Robin or her mother saying things to Mark that seem like they ought to have been resolved before he woke up. Or perhaps you could swing it as her having brought this up before, but her mother wanted to speak to Chaletwo before making a decision–some of the things she asks you could reasonably only be answered by him.

But I think, really, that it would make more sense to just have the chapter open along the lines of, "Oh hey, this is Robin, she's going to be coming with us to capture the Color Dragons while you heal up," unless there were some particular facts you really wanted to impart in the dialogue that would get cut out.

Other than that, Robin's mom seems to have a kind of weird "yeah you go kids, out capturing all the legendaries without adult supervision" thing going on. She's not interested in alerting anybody else about this like, say, some gym leaders or other prominent trainers or something? Or the equivalent of the police/military/whomever you might hope would be around to deal with shit son the apocalypse? (Also not sure if this has been mentioned before, but has anybody kinda… noticed that the legendaries have almost all up and disappeared as of late? Most of them don't seem to get out much, but we're talking about something going on in *all* the regions, not just one…) She just seems surprisingly 0kay with the whole crazy affair, that's all, beyond just her daughter going off to help–more the idea that she's cool with the fate of the world resting on these particular three kids seems strange to me.

The line where Robin's mom wants to know why they don't just kill all the legendaries cracked me up for reasons that should hopefully become apparent very soon…

Mmmm, I'm sure it's going to be fun watching Chaletwo hang around in May's head for awhile. This was generally a quiet chapter, not all that much to say–but you've set things up nicely for entertaining trials to come, I think.

Are we ever going to actually see this fabled Community fanfic?

Butterfree

  • Posts: 1781
Post #5
Great, now I want to rewrite the chapter again. :P The basic idea was that Robin didn't raise the subject of joining until May had brought up that bringing other people in would be a good idea (since while she thinks this sounds like the most exciting thing ever and was already contemplating asking, she initially figured they probably wouldn't want anyone else along when they'd been making a big deal of how nobody was supposed to know about this). But that's not very obvious, and yeah, a lot of this stuff would reasonably have come up before and isn't written like it, and Robin's mom should be asking more questions.

Are we ever going to actually see this fabled Community fanfic?
No. I've never posted my attempts at non-Pokémon fanfiction anywhere because I invariably decide it's embarrassing.



COMMENTARY DONE

ShadowSerenity57

  • Posts: 3
Post #6
Damn, Negrek beat me to it. Anyways, I agree, Robin's mother seems way too passive about this whole situation… firstly about just the fighting legionaries thing, but I'd think she'd be even more concerned about her own daughter getting caught up in that mess. I have a hard time believing that -any- parent who cares about their child wouldn't be a bit more concerned about the whole thing.

Other than that though, I certainly wasn't expecting Robin to show up, so that's a nice surprise. Can't wait to see how that all goes, though I have my suspicions.

Negrek

(guest)

Post #7
Haha, nooo, no more revising. Not until you've worked your way out here on the next revision, anyway.

No. I've never posted my attempts at non-Pokémon fanfiction anywhere because I invariably decide it's embarrassing.

Aw. Well, I know that feeling, anyway. I hope at least opaltiger got to see it, given the amount of work he apparently put in to see it get done. XD

opaltiger

  • Posts: 69
Post #8
I hope at least opaltiger got to see it, given the amount of work he apparently put in to see it get done. XD

Oh, I did. There would have been rioting otherwise.

Polymetric Sesquialtera

(guest)

Post #9
but butterfreeeeeeeee nobody's gonna judge you if the community fiction is awful! my best friend wants to read it *whiiiiiiiiine*

weeeee

(guest)

Post #10
ccccccccccchhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeessssssssssssssssssssssssseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee rules but less than this

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