09/15/2019: Commentary: chapter 74
Chapter 74: Unraveling (commentary)This week, I comment on the calm before the storm chapter, where I talk about the ways in which May is not okay, the ways in which Chaletwo desperately tries to pretend everything is okay, and the ways in which Mark cannot make himself think about what if everything won't be okay. That and the many ways in which the draft of this chapter was really bad, and the many ways in which I planned to end the fic as a kid that were very silly.
COMMENTARY DONE
Comments
Chibi (09/16/2019 22:26:46)
If you noticed immediately and spent the whole chapter wanting to reach through the screen and shout at them… well, then I failed.Haha, this is tricky cause like… you already know that I spent the majority of the fic going “no no no nO NO NO NO” anytime someone mentioned the clones being “safe in Rick’s gym.” However, I don’t think I ever specifically revisited that thought during Chapter 74. So while the Legendary clones were already firmly in the “DANGER” category in my mind, Rick hunting for May didn’t register as elevating that already high risk. (Man though, I probably would have flipped every table if the gym explosion had happened according to the draft, lol.)
embers (09/17/2019 01:45:17)
For the longest time, I was convinced one of your future chapters would involve them breaking into Rick's gym to steal the legendary clones (so they wouldn't be out). In hindsight, that would probably be more trouble than it's worth, especially for May (this was before Tyranitar).
I don't think I was thinking of Mewtwo² specifically though, just the more broad, what if Rick was battling a trainer at the time?