02/10/2019: Commentary: chapter 38Chapter 38: Volcaryu (commentary)
This week, the gang wake up early for their third legendary battle, Mark has to learn to fly on Charizard in the space of minutes, Chaletwo tempts fate, Mark tries to do a pep talk, Thunderyu gets to stretch his wings again, Pupitar spends most of a battle buried in lava, and we have to struggle through an unusual number of long, convoluted, confusing sentences with too many ambiguous pronouns.
Commenting on: chapter 68
CarmineKnight (SilverLatios) (02/10/2019 17:26:05)
I think this was one of the most "new" chapters when I started reading; or one of the first ones that was posted after I had found and read the fic up to this point. It's still a really memorable one. I think it'd definitely benefit from emphasizing the Pupitar/Tyranitar subplot – I know I never quite parsed it way back that Pupitar/Tyranitar actually heard May's yelling(how does sound travel through lava anyway?), and that his evolution was certainly a response to that. That being said, it still feels incredibly triumphant how he "wins" this battle.
Altissimo (02/10/2019 19:20:16)
If Carl would (rightfully!) be so angry about Mark sending Thunderyu out to make Volcaryu appear - how would you address that in the next revision?
I love him in this chapter by the way
Butterfree (02/10/2019 21:17:48)
how does sound travel through lava anyway?I'd imagine you could hear something through lava in roughly the same way you can hear something through a concrete wall - and I'd expect liquids in general are a better medium for sound waves than solid matter. But that's admittedly pure guesswork on my part. Please correct me if you are better at physics.If Carl would (rightfully!) be so angry about Mark sending Thunderyu out to make Volcaryu appear - how would you address that in the next revision?It's not until Mark explains that Chaletwo'd (apparently) outright canceled his plans that it becomes absurd for Carl to let it go without comment, I think - he wouldn't know exactly what's going on just seeing Mark send him out. Mark'd just have to explain it in a way that makes it sound necessary - say, Chaletwo was hoping they'd leave and he'd release Volcaryu as soon as their back was turned.
Negrek (02/12/2019 00:01:42)
Carl not going apocalyptic on Mark after the battle was bothering me so much, haha. All he sees is Mark sending out some weird dragon pokémon, followed by the eruption and Volcaryu emerging–as far as he can tell it was Mark who caused his town to get annihilated more than anything!
Butterfree (02/12/2019 20:42:51)
Carl not going apocalyptic on Mark after the battle was bothering me so much, haha. All he sees is Mark sending out some weird dragon pokémon, followed by the eruption and Volcaryu emerging–as far as he can tell it was Mark who caused his town to get annihilated more than anything!I mean, him sending out Thunderyu is preceded by apparently waiting for something to happen. Carl should find all this extremely suspect, but he'd still want to hear from Mark exactly what was supposedly going on there. Carl is suspicious, but he is consistently willing to listen and consider what they have to say for themselves. (I loved your recursive fanfic a lot, but Carl would absolutely have heard out Leah's case, heh.)
The story Mark actually tells in the chapter should just be totally confirming all of his suspicions, though. Chaletwo canceled but we raised Volcaryu anyway! What do you mean you raised him anyway.