Commentary: chapters 3 and 4

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Butterfree

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Post #1
Chapter 3: Vuiiii! (commentary)
Chapter 4: Cleanwater City (commentary)

These two short chapters feature melodrama, my English continuing to be amazing, me doing some Description™, a hilarious conversation about how Rick can totally take over the world but it's okay because he cares for his brother, and Charmander actually being a character in definitely the best scene to happen so far only for him to then spend the entire next chapter not being a character again.

I've almost finished commenting on chapter five too, so the pace is still going well!



COMMENTARY DONE

Altissimo

(guest)

Post #2
re: rick characterization: this whole thing is a lot funnier now because the bf and I recently started watching Yu-Gi-Oh, and Seto Kaiba owns a multi-billion-dollar corporation (probably) after taking it over from his dad, this corporation's board members already proved they are willing to do unsavory things to get what they want (like go behind Kaiba's back and plot to murder him lol). kaiba himself wants to be the best duel monsters player there ever was and if this means being a complete dick so be it

but it's ok bc he has a little brother whom he cares very deeply for!!!!

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