Critique time! But I have to say, this is much better ^^
“At last!” it exclaimed, in a raspy voice, “I’ve captured the problem before it even started!” The thing began to squeeze Brendan’s neck, beginning to suffocate him.
———
Brendan woke with a start. He hastily looked around his room, to see to his relief that everything was normal. He lied back down in his bed, but then lurched back up, remembering that it was Tuesday.
I think Brendan would at least be sweating a bit or breathing heavily after a dream like that…
He turned around, hoping to see the exit, but instead saw what looked like a dark shadow with a whispy white head, piercing blue eyes, and a red collar. Brendan could see the exit behind the thing. He tried to run around the object, but it grabbed Brendan around the neck.
You used exit twice there. Also I think you should just describe Darkrai as a shadow, since others who haven't read it yet might already conclude that it's Darkrai and that will probably take a lot out of the story for them. Finally, I don't think you should describe the shadow as 'an onject.'
Sheesh, stupid database wipe >.> I can't remember what was in my signature! Oh well, something new then I guess.
Current quote: I had a dream… I dreamed that I was eating a ten-pound marshmallow, and when I woke up the pillow was gone.