Butterfree
- Posts: 1784
So. Status report.
I am doing NaNo, no matter how little it might look like it when I'm at less than a third of what I'm supposed to have done so far. As I've been saying, it's a rewrite of Scyther's Story, and hopefully at least a revision of The Fall of a Leader is to follow as well, what with Scyther's Story being only 30,000 words (in the original version, anyway).
I've finished Part I. It's less changed than I might perhaps have liked, as I didn't really have enough opportunity to plan this ahead properly, but improved regardless, and of course the writing isn't quite as cringeworthy. The main change is in emphasis, since originally the purpose of Part I was very nebulous and mostly consisted of "make Descith as cute as possible". Now, instead of devising some new story elements to introduce the fic in a less utterly fillerish manner or cutting ahead and sacrificing my precious word count, I decided to tell more or less the same story except with more focus on Razor's parents and introducing the way Scyther think, which should hopefully feel slightly less pointless than the original opening. This is helped by the fact that as of The Fall of a Leader, Razor's parents actually have some semblance of characterization and an actual history to explore. I don't know if this makes it way too cheesy and soap opera-ish, but whatever.
Preview. Because why not. It's not a greatly changed scene, but hey.
I am doing NaNo, no matter how little it might look like it when I'm at less than a third of what I'm supposed to have done so far. As I've been saying, it's a rewrite of Scyther's Story, and hopefully at least a revision of The Fall of a Leader is to follow as well, what with Scyther's Story being only 30,000 words (in the original version, anyway).
I've finished Part I. It's less changed than I might perhaps have liked, as I didn't really have enough opportunity to plan this ahead properly, but improved regardless, and of course the writing isn't quite as cringeworthy. The main change is in emphasis, since originally the purpose of Part I was very nebulous and mostly consisted of "make Descith as cute as possible". Now, instead of devising some new story elements to introduce the fic in a less utterly fillerish manner or cutting ahead and sacrificing my precious word count, I decided to tell more or less the same story except with more focus on Razor's parents and introducing the way Scyther think, which should hopefully feel slightly less pointless than the original opening. This is helped by the fact that as of The Fall of a Leader, Razor's parents actually have some semblance of characterization and an actual history to explore. I don't know if this makes it way too cheesy and soap opera-ish, but whatever.
Preview. Because why not. It's not a greatly changed scene, but hey.
It was a while before his mother returned, holding a dead Pidgeotto in her mouth.
At first, she wasn’t alarmed by the green shape in the tree; she remembered seeing a Metapod in it and assumed, without giving it a closer look, that that was it. She wondered briefly where her Descith had gone off to, but didn’t dwell on it; after all, no one attacked a Scyther swarm, and odds were he had simply wandered off to explore as he so liked to.
It wasn’t until she had already started to dig through the Pidgeotto’s plumage to get to its tender flesh that she heard the soft moans coming from the tree.
“Sciiiith…”
She looked up, her eyes narrowing; her gaze scanned the area quickly as she tried to pinpoint where the sound was coming from.
“Sciiith…”
She turned sharply towards the tree and finally recognized her son there, hugging the tree trunk as if holding on for dear life. His eyes were wide and scared.
“You little troublemaker,” she muttered. Her wings carried her up to the top of the tree with ease, where she picked him up by sliding her scythes under his arms and carried him back onto the ground.
He was shaking, and she wondered how long he’d been up there – potentially hours. She nudged the Pidgeotto towards him carefully, and after a moment he stepped closer, sniffed it and began to eat. Soon ravenous hunger outweighed his shock, and he finished every edible scrap on the bird before sighing contentedly and wandering off to go to sleep somewhere in the shade. She noticed, with mild amusement, that he decidedly avoided the tree.
She looked at the tattered remains of her prey, still hungry after the lengthy hunt, and vaguely considered heading out again, but she was too tired. She sighed, looking after her son as he plopped down in the shadow of a rock and closed his eyes.
COMMENTARY DONE
Tags: Pokémon societies, Progress, Scyther/Razor, Writing
[11/10/2010 00:36:21]