Pokemon TeaMit

Forum Index - Back to Your Own Fanfiction

Pages: 1

twiggylover

  • Posts: 123
Post #1
Before you get any ideas, this isn't a TeamEat remake, it's a remake of the trainer story I started a few months ago and cut short after the first chapter.

Anyhow, I think the quality will be a little better than last time.

Sidenote: This chapter was written exactly 1 month ago(12 november 2009).
———-
Chapter one- An opening

The sun shined over the grassy plains. Grass type pokemon covered the whole land, all of them happy and full of joy. Between all of them, a kid, around 12, wearing a long sleeved, black striped white shirt, grey pants and yellow socks, brown haired, with somewhat long and mushroom shaped hair, sat and watched the many pokemon.

All the pokemon he knew were there, Victreebells, Venusaurs, Grotles, Treeckos, Meganiums, Budews, Celebi, the one and only, and one of the many shaymins that were on earth, and even several cradilys. It seemed to be the paradise. No…It was paradise. At least that was the opinion of the kid called Leonard, that sat there quietly on the lush grass and petted a grotle. It was perfect. He yawned and stretched a little, and lay down on the grass, feeling how soft it was. Suddenly, the ground started trembling, and the kid stood up, looking around, wondering what the earthquakes souce might be. Looking up, he suddenly noticed that a gigantic Weavile, around 40 feet of hieght, swooped down from the sky, looking like a freefaller that forgot his parachute. The pokemon underneath started panicking, stampedng around as the Wevile came nearer. The kid froze in his place as the Weavile neared, it's claw making contact with his head….

A voice said "vile!", followed by a direct scratch on his face. Leonard stood up with a gasp, completely ignoring the fact that blood leaked out of the right side of his face, in the form of an X. His breath was heavy, and he put a hand on his chest. He sared at the Weavile murderously, and hissed "Niko, once again, you have gone too far.". While Leonard likes his big brothers weavile, the pink skinned, yellow feathered pokemon just couldn't stop going on Leonard's nerves. He jumped off his small bed, throwing the thick blanket off his body. It was heavy winter, and while it wasn't snowing, it was raining all the time. He went towards his wardrobe, a big, wooden box that had grass pokemon heads carved on it, and opened it, looking at the few clothes in it. He took off his pajama, a blue, long shirt and short 'pants', and grabbed his grey pants and his striped shirt, putting both on, knowing that depsite he looked quite silly, they were at least comfotable.
He put on his yellow socks relative quickly, and threw a look towards the electric clock that was on top of the wardrobe. It read '09:30'. "Damn, why do I always have to wake up so soon?" He said to himself, and then yawned a little, going out of the room. His house wasn't very big, but rather a 40x40 Meter building with a single story and an attic filled with random junk. The bulding itself was located around 650 meters from blackvile city, where most wannabe pokemon masters started their journey, a distance every single LeafLam family member could cover in a few minutes. Leonard lived with his mother and father, since his big brother was still journeying to beat the league and become the champion. However, all of these didn't interest Leonard a bit. He always hated pokemon battling, and would rather take another few days of doing nothing than go on some silly adventure. However, his parents always pressed him, telling him he will be grateful one day.
—————
I hope someone will take a look at this! After all, I've been 'dead' for a few good months.

Im still working on my writing level, although im sure that, should I keep on working on this, this story will be better than TeamEat.

Also: I do NOT want anyone to post one word/line comments like 'hahahaha that's great', 'this simply sucks burn in hell', or anything else like that.





Torterra will save us!



…We're doomed if turtwig wont take the job….

ivymeleon

  • Posts: 12
Post #2
Good.
Most of these have parents who <i>don't</i> want their children to be Pokemon trainers.

Steele

  • Posts: 349
Post #3
Spell check! You spelled four words incorrectly!
O.K…..I guess….. But it didn't make to much sense….( And I'm The one to talk!?) At least it makes more sense than my fic… There were several grammar errors, that I won't bother to point out…. For I am lazy.
There were also some references in there such as 'LeafLam' and 'Blackville' that readers would not know anything about. Will those be explained soon? If not, you should write an Appendix maybe? It might help the readers out a little bit. Popular InnerDemon sign! >:)



"Do you think I enjoy telling you who you can screw and who you can't?" -Shadowdart

Don't worry about the world coming to an end today, cause' it's already tomorrow in Australia!

InnerDemon

  • Posts: 103
Post #4
x). Interesting!

Ivymelon : I know! That's what makes it so great eh?

Steele : You fail at spelling. Don't you dare talk >:). Sign stealing fool!



Bloop. No longer being as active as I was. Starcraft mapmaking and friends have become the main source of my attention. I shall be on a few times a month, but I probably won't comment stories and crap. Have fun guys and girls.

Sands Buisle

  • Posts: 351
Post #5
Nice, you should have explained that Weavile is a shiny, and wouldn't he do something about the whole 'Weavile scratched him' thing?



Please check out my Fan Fics (They're in this forum).



I'm not always rational, but I think people think I am.

… errazib nialp tsuj era serutangis emos ,wonk ouy.

Buisle is the ruler of the seven seas of sand, it is the terror of all Floatzel!

Man, I wrote Fics of three different Pokemon story types! What's next?! A wild Pokemon fic?! Hmmmmm…

Steele

  • Posts: 349
Post #6
I don't fail badly. And I point out a lot of them. And I have a fanfic with more replies. And I invented toilet paper! Oh yeah, I rule…..
SSB: The Weavile thing is wierd…. I don't get it…..



"Do you think I enjoy telling you who you can screw and who you can't?" -Shadowdart

Don't worry about the world coming to an end today, cause' it's already tomorrow in Australia!

twiggylover

  • Posts: 123
Post #7
Uh, yea, I have just noticed I made a few mistakes, like 'he likes' instead of 'he liked'.

Anyway:


Steelee: I don't get what you mean.
your wierd…

Ivychar: Thanks! but I will appriciate(Spelling?) a little more detailed comments.

Innerdemon:…..

SSB(B?): Well,(super smash bros), It's a little hard to explain it. It's about the fact that some people like their pets, and are so used to the fact that these pets constantly hurt them don't care about it any more.

And- the Weavile is called Niko and is shiny, for those who didn't get it.
Plus: The first part is a dream, that is until Niko scartches Leonard's face.





Torterra will save us!



…We're doomed if turtwig wont take the job….

Steele

  • Posts: 349
Post #8
Ah, now I get it. But why do you think I'm wierd?!? I get that a lot…..



"Do you think I enjoy telling you who you can screw and who you can't?" -Shadowdart

Don't worry about the world coming to an end today, cause' it's already tomorrow in Australia!

Pages: 1

Forum Index - Back to Your Own Fanfiction