Comments on Part VII: Downfall

Pages: 1

Freeze
Story: The Fall of a Leader
Chapter: Part VII: Downfall

Revisiting this fic after a long time; it's just as good as I remember it. Looking back, I think this fic's had an outsized influence on the way I write all my stories, and the way I think about the world in general.

A couple random thoughts…

I think a better version of Shadowdart might have been able to turn things around in chapter 6, after Stalker's discussion of why fairness is necessary. He could have said, either,

* "You're not arguing in good faith, you're doing this to get a rise out of me, and I'm not going to fall for that", or

* "Fairness is important because without any set of rules that we agree on for safety, there's no swarm at all, just individual Scythers trying to manipulate and murder each other all the time; and if you think that's a better way to run things then you're welcome to leave this swarm and try it for yourself"

… of course, that level of discussion would require Shadowdart to be more capable of thinking on his feet, which is fundamentally not who he is. I agree that, in the end, it could not have gone any other way for him.

(And if he did say these things and fend off Stalker, I think the story would be a lot worse off for it – I love tragedy born of inevitable character flaws.)

I also think, if I were Nightmare or someone else and I wanted to rebuild the Swarm, I might say something like this:

1) Death is not to be feared – as predators we inflict it freely, as prey we shall one day fall – death is merely a fact of life, as inevitable as sunrise, and we must accept this, else we torment ourselves by rejecting our nature

1a) Because death is inevitable, loss is too. One day you will lose a person you care about. This is, merely, another fact of life; nothing we can do will change this. Understand that death and loss are what we inflict, and what shall happen to us.

2) Sharpen your scythes: while death is inevitable, pain is unnecessary. (I agree, it *should* be bumped up)

3) We live as a swarm to protect each other, both from external threats and from ourselves. If a Scyther is in danger, it is your duty to assist. Do not manipulate or control another Scyther – if we turn against ourselves, we will all fall alone. Be strong, to protect yourselves and others.

4) The Code is not a set of instructions to be rigorously followed; it is a set of ideas we think are important. The circumstances of life may conflict with these ideas. Should you find yourself breaking the Code, ask yourself why, and be prepared to answer.

Non-numbered rules: it occurs to me that the Leader has a lot of work to do, being both a physical leader and a philosophical one; Shadowdart and the Leader before him became Leader because of their physical capabilities, but lacked the philosophical ones to guide the clan. I'm not sure what the answer to this is – if you separate this into two leaders, one for teaching and one for physical defense, you may end up with infighting/coup attempts between them.

In general I can't say that this Code is really any better than the previous one tbh – I'm sure there's flaws I haven't considered, and that one day would surprise me. (And the old Code, with all its flaws, made for a better story because it was flawed.)

Anyways thanks for reading my rambly thoughts. Hope you have a great day!

[12/13/2022 11:53:20]

Esp
Story: The Fall of a Leader
Chapter: Part VII: Downfall

You made me cry… You're excellent at writing, and I look forward to any further works that you do in earnest. Thanks for giving me something to think about for a few hours.

[12/22/2012 08:00:15]

mamma
Story: The Fall of a Leader
Chapter: Part VII: Downfall

Þetta er flott nóvembersaga, en ég hef samt spurningu og athugasemd. Hvernig vissu Stormblade og Nightmare um Stalker? Var ekki Stalker unglingur, varla meira en Descith þegar þau yfirgáfu hjörðina? Hvernig þekktu þau nafn hennar, var það ekki Shadowdart sem gaf henni nafn á meðan Stormblade og Nightmare voru fjarri?
Athugasemdin er um sjálfsmorð Shadowdarts, mér finnst þetta einhvern veginn dálítið ódýr "lausn", hefði ekki verið hægt að vinna betur úr þessu? Af hverju reyndi Stormblade ekki að koma í veg fyrir sjálfsmorð hans?

Reply: Shadowdart var búinn að segja Stormblade frá Stalker í 6. hluta, stuttu áður en hann fór (það er kafli XXXIII, og þeir tala aftur um hana seinna). Nightmare vissi ekki um hana, enda segir hún ekkert um hana nema það sem kom fram þegar þau töluðu við Shadowdart.

Stormblade gat ekki stöðvað hann; hann gerði það mjög skyndilega og Stormblade vissi ekki fyrr en hann var fallinn hvað hann ætlaðist fyrir.

Hvers konar úrvinnslu hefðir þú viljað sjá? Ég held að enginn annar endir hefði virkað; Shadowdart hefði ekki getað lifað og iðrast, það væri engin lausn til að byrja með ef hann lifði og iðraðist ekki, og það að láta einhvern annan drepa hann væri ákaflega ómerkilegt, eins og nú sé hann bara vondi karlinn sem hetjan þarf að sigra, ekki sjálfstæð persóna með sína eigin þróunarsögu. En það mætti eflaust bæta við hvað gerist á undan.

[10/03/2012 14:02:44]

Nitromification
Story: The Fall of a Leader
Chapter: Part VII: Downfall

It's kinda weird really. You make everybody seem like a good guy as wel as a bad guy.

[08/09/2011 02:16:29]

Everglider
Story: The Fall of a Leader
Chapter: Part VII: Downfall

I don't see this a any worse (as in inappropriate) than some of your other works…

Reply: That depends somewhat on your standards, but underage rape is pretty bad by mine. While it's not graphic, I'd personally consider it a good deal more disturbing than any of my other works (which just have non-sexual violence and swearing).

[06/11/2011 20:59:30]

Vulpix
Story: The Fall of a Leader
Chapter: Part VII: Downfall

It is a sad ending, but a good one.

[05/12/2011 23:24:01]

ShinyRedEon =D
Story: The Fall of a Leader
Chapter: Part VII: Downfall

*sobs*

[04/19/2010 10:42:13]

Maboroshi
Story: The Fall of a Leader
Chapter: Part VII: Downfall

An amazing work. It seems like Shadowdart was becoming a Pokemon Hitler towards the end. a truly unforgettable lesson about the corruptions of power.

[08/19/2009 05:08:56]

Holographic
Story: The Fall of a Leader
Chapter: Part VII: Downfall

This is so sad. It made me cry a few times

[01/11/2009 20:28:30]

Teraunce
Story: The Fall of a Leader
Chapter: Part VII: Downfall

Interesting and sad, this and its prequel. both get 10 outta 10.

[10/28/2008 10:40:13]

elyvorg
Story: The Fall of a Leader
Chapter: Part VII: Downfall

So I thought you might be interested to know that I've just re-read the Shadowdarty parts of this on some random whim. And despite it being several months later than my first reading, the ending still managed to make me cry.

[08/13/2008 14:32:36]

Charizard702
Story: The Fall of a Leader
Chapter: Part VII: Downfall

cool

[07/04/2008 21:27:09]

1derman
Story: The Fall of a Leader
Chapter: Part VII: Downfall

Truly a Masterpiece.

[06/29/2008 15:24:41]

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