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09/29/2008: Chapter 45 up

See? I really can write fast.

Chapter 45: The Ouen League HQ (or: Stuff Happens)

Five and a half pages. :D Hope you enjoy.
COMMENTARY DONE

Comments

TexLugia (09/29/2008 06:10:40)
Awesome! I'm looking forward to seeing how Quilava reacts <3
SilverLatios (09/29/2008 14:16:45)
Huh. Stuff really DID happen. :D
Happyy (09/29/2008 20:09:42)
^ XDDDDDDD
darthjarjar (09/29/2008 22:10:12)
Hmmm… Suspicious… this calls for more ask the characters! *scurrys off*
SlowCrow (09/30/2008 11:14:29)
<_> Hurg. Hi. Can't make a decently long post, so here's a (possible) error for ya:

She looked up as
they approached, put the book on the desk and leaned towards the window. “Oh, early trainers,” she said. “Hello. Are you registering for the League this year?

There's a strangely placed space in the middle of the sentence there. Also, the first sentence seems a bit odd, I can't quite say what it is, but how "She looked up as they approached, put the book on the desk and leaned towards the window." sounds strange to me, maybe its how those actions are listed.

That's all what I could spot (for now)…

*_* The league is now my favorite place in the fic for some reason, maybe because SOMETHING could happen here and my intuition is kicking in…but I can't quite put my finger on it. I think its the word:

DISQUALIFIED!!!

for some strange reason, but I could be wrong. As for Quilava, didn't he need to be traded back OFFICIALLY in order for May to really have it? That's going to couse some problems for sure… >_>

Anyway, good chapter! ^_^

-__________- Kaw.
Butterfree (09/30/2008 14:53:13)
Quilava has officially been May's all along, because the original trade for Charmander was never official (hence why Taylor told Officer Jenny in chapter 14 that a Charmeleon had been stolen from him; he expected that she would check which trainer they were currently registered to, in which case he was aware that Charmeleon would show up as his and Quilava as May's).

I love the League as a fic location, personally, since like the Pokémon Festival, it concentrates several interesting events that have been planned for ages into a few chapters; I don't know how much you'll like it, of course.
Raitora Kuro Yamiraku (10/08/2008 15:07:51)
I'm assuming May will battle Taylor at some point…? -shrug- -hugs that Electrike from Thunderclap Cave anxiously- MUSTHAVEMOAR!!! XD

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