05/13/2019: Commentary: chapter 53 (for real)
Chapter 53: Away (commentary)All right, here's the actual chapter 53 commentary. Read to see me ramble about how much I love my characters as they suffer, the way I dropped the ball on Spirit, the bits that I edited after the initial publication thanks to Negrek, my original amazingly mood-whiplashy effort at That Scene as I wrote it in probably 2004 or 2005, my regrets about not doing better justice to Tyranitar here, and the delightful line "Everything is going to be fine, and then we can just forget this ever happened."
We are now caught up with the amount of commentary I've actually done so far, so I'll have to get going doing some more reading this week. Chapter 54's pretty short, though, so I don't expect that'll be a problem.
COMMENTARY DONE
Comments
Isaac (05/15/2019 04:36:02)
Not sure if it's my favourite chapter anymore after reading the grand finale, but it was for a long time. My new favourite chapters that exceed this one are still a *consequence* of this one, tying into the same emotional thread. I guess I've said a few times now that May's arc and May & Mark's friendship is the core of the whole book for me.
Wow, I never *did* notice that she was almost vulnerable enough, in this instance, to go to the police. Mark could have and maybe would have tipped the scales here if Chaletwo hadn't stepped in. Yet more of the "for want of a nail, the morally disastrous thing occurred" theme of this book.
(Chaletwo was *right*, I suppose, from a utilitarian moral viewpoint. But ironically given his issues, Chaletwo fails them as a parental figure–par for course, though, for May's life. It takes until Sparky for someone to step back and look at this whole mess with love and empathy, without the unhealthy veneer of blame–with May's best interest, personal growth, and ultimately psychological health in mind.
And not to get too tangential here, but it's exactly his position as an adult looking at a child that allows Sparky to do that. Robin, for example, views her as a peer and an equal, which makes it more natural to put a lot of blame on her.)
Thanks for a beautiful and gut-wrenching chapter! I'm also excited to see how you change it in the revision. I'm also super thrilled to see us move into the third act, where things really *really* get good.
Isaac (05/15/2019 04:45:20)
Reopened a late chapter to check of Chaletwo was dealing with this by the end, and to make sure I got Robin's name right. I don't think I appreciated, while reading finishing the book at two AM on a train, how fucking delightful Leah is. 😂
Isaac (05/15/2019 04:48:25)
Spin-off / Extra / NaNoWriMo idea: Leah's adventures. Everything about her screams "is definitely off being a protagonist an epic story of her own).
Isaac (05/15/2019 04:58:27)
Or, perhaps a series of one-shot vignettes from the perspective of all the legendary-hunting children/party. Just a thought!
Butterfree (05/19/2019 02:32:15)
Oh, man, I love your comments. I would totally like to write more Leah at some point, particularly Leah with Chaletwo in her head. Chaletwo's kind of resigned to needing to keep the peace with his legendary hunters by the time he gets to Mark, but I suspect Leah's how he learned that.