Back to The Quest Blog

01/29/2008: Crack pairings!

There is a thread at the forums about characters' hypothetical reactions to reading fanfiction about themselves. I replied to it and got a little carried away:

Let's see. For The Quest for the Legends and especially Scyther's Story, I'll bet you anything that people would slash RobxScyther like crazy. I think Rob is a little too insane to care who writes what about him, but Scyther would most likely be rather repulsed and weirded out.

Now, of course the MarkxMay and MayxAlan would be abundant, mostly because Rule #2 (after "Every male is gay") of fandom is that any two people of opposite genders who spend any time with one another must be in teh twu wub; given that Mark is twelve and rather at the immature side of the puberty spectrum, he would almost definitely find this gross and disturbing, and May would rant a little bit about stupid people who obsess over making up romances between other people, while Alan would most likely laugh at it and start pointing out specific instances of the almost-inevitable OOC-ness while avoiding any discussion of the truth of the shippings.

When we get to the hardcore shippers, we'll start seeing pairings like Molzapart/Chaletwo, Mew/Chaletwo, Chalenor/Chaletwo, Chalenor/Mew, Mark/Mew and probably Mark/Chaletwo as well. Chaletwo would definitely just get a bit ticked and point out that fic canon explicitly states that legendaries are sexless and do not reproduce, ergo no genitalia, ergo no hormones, ergo no such thing as romance, and deal with it that way. Molzapart would do something similar, although he'd be more weirded out than ticked. Mew would say something cryptic about not concerning himself with the imaginations of humans. If Mark saw fanfiction slashing him with Chaletwo or Mew (or in fact any legendary), he would be disturbed for life, so he'd better be kept away from that.

Then we'd have Rick/Taylor for some gaycest, which would squick them both and probably make Rick strangle whoever was responsible; we'd have Rick's Horrible Angsty Sexual Abuse of Mewtwo^2 which would probably make Rick's lips twitch a little (Mewtwo^2 isn't really self-aware enough to read anything); definitely May/Taylor hateshipping (which would make her at least attempt to strangle whoever was responsible and Taylor look blankly at the screen wondering how anyone could think he was in love with this random girl he's met twice); some ThunderyuxVolcaryuxPolaryu semi-incestuous hatesex-threesomes (or foursomes with Chaletwo the abusive father figure coming in, in fact - somebody would doubtless manage to link the whole locking-them-up-in-caves-and-keeping-them-sleeping thing to sexual abuse) which the dragons would be too busy tearing one another apart to care much about and which would make Chaletwo weep at the idea that there are actually people with sick enough minds to not only imagine that but want to write it down…

Oh, yeah, SuicunexGyarados, definitely. Which would make Gyarados murder whoever thought of it on the spot and Suicune shake his head wearily.

Hmm. MitchxScorplack. Somebody would find all sorts of uses for that tail. I can see Mitch's eyebrow twitching at that, but he's not really the type to judge anyone based on the fanfiction they write. Scorplack wouldn't really care.

Ooh, Charizard/Carl's Charizard. Maybe even threesomes with Charlie thrown in. Oh, my, that would produce a lot of lizardy blushing on Charizard's part. And Charlie would laugh himself silly. And Carl's Charizard would start grinning and being flirty, just because of how much she loves to tease.

Somebody might write Sparky/Nurse Joy of Stormy Town if it had managed to escape them that Sparky actually is gay or if they're just homophobic and desperate to make something heterosexual out of it. Or just because they're about the only people in town, and there isn't really anybody else Sparky could be shagging if one were particularly interested in writing about his sex life. Either way they would both laugh like hell and look for more of it to entertain themselves over on boring evenings. I can really picture that, you know.

Somebody would do something with Fury the Hitmonchan/some human, I'm sure. He would be mildly amused.

If we bring The Fall of a Leader into it, oh, all the StormbladexShadowdart. Stormblade would find it a little disturbing, and Shadowdart would have a bit of a hard time comprehending just why somebody would write that but not particularly care. And the last part would bring about some StormbladexNightmare, which I doubt either of them would care particularly much about although Stormblade would want to clarify that she's definitely no Pearl to him at this point.

And there would probably be random main characters x their Pokémon, which I think would squick everyone involved.

…yeah, I think I'll stop now before I think of more disturbing pairings that I'll never be able to wash off my brain.
Is it scary that I thought of all this stuff off the top of my head?


EeveeSkitty (01/29/2008 00:00:00)
…yes. It's actually quite disturbing, as are most of the shippings here. Awkward.
kingcliff9 (01/29/2008 00:00:00)
Not to mention a load of AU ScytherxNightmare ignoring her evolution. I'd probably actually read that. Heck, the one-shot Nightmare is pretty much that, so yeah. :3
Butterfree (01/29/2008 00:00:00)
Nonono. People never write fanfiction about canon shippings. As soon as it becomes canon, the fangirl's mind concludes that it's become boring. :P Although of course, one could say that canon doesn't have them actually in love, and more just him having obsessed with her a few years ago and her never liking him at all, so maybe it wouldn't count as a canon shipping after all. Hmm.

I'm sorry I disturbed you, Chrom. *pats* Have some brain bleach. I guess I've been on GAFF (Godawful Fan Fiction) too much. (And no, don't Google it; if this is disturbing, the stuff on there will scar you for life.)
Zora of Termina (01/29/2008 00:00:00)
*glances at entire thread*

Is it just me, or does that have NOTHING to do with the discussion people were previously having? xD

Anyway, I liked the part about the ThunderyuxPolaryuxVolcaryuxChaletwo incest threesome with Chaletwo sexually abusing the dragons. I found that hilarious. :P

Also, the whole "Mark is only twelve, of course he doesn't flirt with May" thing, I remember flirting with girls as early as eight.
EeveeSkitty (01/29/2008 00:00:00)
Heh, Brain Bleach. You need to patent that stuff.

But it really shows that you know your characters and have them well-developed when you can write something like this off the top of your head, regardless of whether or not this would disturb regular people. And trust me, I doubt that I'd even touch a link to that sight without turning around disgusted.

As a counterpoint to what you've said, I've seen some really good fanworks (art and story) based on canon shippings, though nonofficial or ruled-out ones are a bit of a problem. Crazed people running around the net posting their random… stuff… wait.

That's what I'm doing.

Never mind.
Butterfree (01/29/2008 00:00:00)
It had quite a lot to do with the discussion people were having. It was about characters' reactions to fanfiction about themselves; even shippings in particular had already been brought up, although nobody actually went into listing off possible cracky pairings before me. I'm not sure how you find it in any way irrelevant.

And apparently you must have been at the mature side of the puberty spectrum. When I was twelve, I was still in the "Ewwww boys" stage.
Vulpis Nyaasu (01/29/2008 00:00:00)
Chrom is right, you definitely know your characters.

And as far as the "eeww, boys" stage, kids in my school had "relationships" in first grade and fake marriages in fourth. All the boys I know are nuts (no offense to guys), so I can see why you think this stuff, Butterfree. It just doesn't apply to my school.

Gawd, I can't believe I just wrote all that.
Spiky (01/29/2008 00:00:00)
Is it bad that after so many years of doing the exact same thing to my characters, and from being an avid FanFicRanter on LJ, none of this disturbs me even remotely? (I mean, sure, it's worth a head-desk, but I'm completely unsquicked. In fact, I'm just snorting my soda.)

… congratulations, I think I'll go write something on this subject for my own pokemon fanfiction. You have inspired me.

Fanfiction: ITS SRS BIZNESS. And it just killed me inside to type the wrong "it's/its"…
Krick (07/01/2009 00:41:17)
Maybe I'm missing something huge here, but how in the world were we supposed to know that Sparky's gay? Because I certainly never thought so until this moment.

Not that I'm complaining, but…
Butterfree (07/01/2009 01:31:43)
You were not supposed to know. I just worded it as if it were obvious because it seemed more fun. :P
Scyther (07/01/2009 02:01:02)
…Yes…that's much more….fun….
Krick (07/01/2009 03:15:48)
Well, that made my day. :)
Sands Buisle (07/01/2009 19:07:49)
WHAT IS THIS?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
SilverLatios47 (07/01/2009 20:43:51)
Wait, Sparky /is/ gay? i just thought he was one of those cool older men. and I thought he was married to Nurse Joy. Man, i must be reading wrong, because now that i think about, it doesn't seem likely.
The dragons and Chaletwo was very amusing xD
twiggylover (07/02/2009 08:24:02)
Butterfree (07/02/2009 20:32:05)
I'm sinister now? :o
twiggylover (07/03/2009 14:40:42)
You guys were always sinister…
and I am sinister when I am with my cat!
SadisticTyphlosion (04/07/2010 03:25:50)
Sorry for the bump, but…

Sparky is gay? XDDD Explains a lot, though, now that I think of it…. *sly grin*

Your Comment?

You are not logged in, but you may post a guest comment anyway if you wish.