Comments on Chapter 1: The Pokémon on the Road
Pages: 1
Ruddles
Story: The Quest for the Legends (ILCOE)
Chapter: Chapter 1: The Pokémon on the Road
"At least, he heavily stood up, and got in line with the few other kids in sixth grade who weren't out training Pokémon." Did you mean "At last" or is it not a typo?Reply: I meant it like "anyway". There's a lot of funky grammar and phrasing in the earlier chapters; English is my second language and I wasn't nearly as good at it in 2004 as I thought.
[04/24/2016 03:28:46]
Latias spirit
Story: The Quest for the Legends (ILCOE)
Chapter: Chapter 1: The Pokémon on the Road
I like this and that is literally my final word.
[01/06/2016 20:43:08]
Latias spirit
Story: The Quest for the Legends (ILCOE)
Chapter: Chapter 1: The Pokémon on the Road
Gahhhhhh weird
[01/06/2016 20:29:03]
Latias spirit
Story: The Quest for the Legends (ILCOE)
Chapter: Chapter 1: The Pokémon on the Road
Did that just work.
[01/06/2016 20:25:35]
Latias spirit
Story: The Quest for the Legends (ILCOE)
Chapter: Chapter 1: The Pokémon on the Road
I love this story!!!
[01/06/2016 20:23:38]
Diego
Story: The Quest for the Legends (ILCOE)
Chapter: Chapter 1: The Pokémon on the Road
Hi
[06/09/2015 00:41:16]
LKWayvern
Story: The Quest for the Legends (ILCOE)
Chapter: Chapter 1: The Pokémon on the Road
I'm beginning to form some theories that won't come into play until much, much later in the story…
…Now would probably be a good time to duck and cover.
[07/19/2014 00:26:42]
UnknownEspeon
Story: The Quest for the Legends (ILCOE)
Chapter: Chapter 1: The Pokémon on the Road
i always wanna cry when mew is sad…. i wonder why….. i honestly feel more connected to a lugia….. huh.
[01/15/2014 09:48:48]
SilverLatios47
Story: The Quest for the Legends (ILCOE)
Chapter: Chapter 1: The Pokémon on the Road
I wonder, is Mark's artistically-inclined-ness going to be removed or toned down in any way in future rewrites because of its general irrelevance(at least from my point-of-view)?Reply: I don't see any reason to. It doesn't exactly take up massive amounts of space or get in the way of the story, and characters having a sense that there's something they do and care about other than what's directly relevant to the plot of the story makes them feel a bit more whole, to me.
[11/22/2012 21:30:07]
wolfnkitty
Story: The Quest for the Legends (ILCOE)
Chapter: Chapter 1: The Pokémon on the Road
cool.
[08/04/2012 18:05:20]
Just me, pokemon spriter lass
Story: The Quest for the Legends (ILCOE)
Chapter: Chapter 1: The Pokémon on the Road
I finished reading the IALCON or whatever the heck it's called, lol. I've been holding off on reading this, 13 or so chapters is kind of intimidating. But I'll read it anyway.
[01/21/2011 01:13:56]
sarahc
Story: The Quest for the Legends (ILCOE)
Chapter: Chapter 1: The Pokémon on the Road
The first three paragraphs do a really good job of describing Sailance and Mark. I usually just throw an adjective or two in there and leave it to the reader. I also liked it when Mark yelled "I FOUND A FREAKING CHARMANDER!" *giggles*
One small typo: "…first time she saw a Pokémon close up, which is [it] probably was."
Also, "'Oh God!' she uttered out"? Really, Butterfree?
P.S. Go into a bit more detail when you're describing a PokémonReply: Keep in mind I wrote that in 2004; it's kind of useless to try to give serious critiques here since it's in no way actually representative of how I write today. When I attempt to reread these chapters, I generally spend half of the time headdesking.
I have to simply disagree with you on the describing Pokémon bit - I used to do that in a large chunk of the ILCOE, but the thing is detailed descriptions of ordinary Pokémon really just uselessly halt the flow of the story. For one thing it's not appropriate for the POV, since Mark has no reason to be staring at the Pokémon for several seconds taking in every body part; he's just going to think, "Oh, it's a Charmander." And it's not even for the benefit of the reader, since if you know what Pokémon are you know what I'm talking about much easier if I just say "Charmander", and in the unlikely case you don't know what Pokémon are, the image you end up with in your head will never actually look anything like the actual Pokémon anyway. I think it makes much more sense to just say the name of the Pokémon and then bring up its relevant features (e.g. Charmander's flame tail) when they actually affect something in the story.
[08/08/2010 23:31:58]
shadow_lugia
Story: The Quest for the Legends (ILCOE)
Chapter: Chapter 1: The Pokémon on the Road
"It was early May. May was something that Mark subconsciously connected to the bad knot in his stomach that formed every year…"
Coincidence?Reply: I don't remember exactly what I was thinking when I wrote that (I mean, it was six years ago), but since obviously I already knew who May was at that point, I don't think I'd have written that without at least snickering to myself.
[06/07/2010 00:54:56]
Neverine
Story: The Quest for the Legends (ILCOE)
Chapter: Chapter 1: The Pokémon on the Road
Well…
Pokemonish
Pokemonology
i think you should just call it
languages
biologyReply: Well, "Languages" would imply something a lot more general than one specific language, wouldn't it? And since they're not actually learning about the biology of Pokémon in that class, calling it biology wouldn't be accurate either. I did change the classes to "Pokémon speech" and "Battling" in the revision, but yeah.
[02/07/2010 19:59:20]
Midnight
Story: The Quest for the Legends (ILCOE)
Chapter: Chapter 1: The Pokémon on the Road
Okay! \o/ As I've said before, I put TQftL on my DS, and have been editing this personal copy with small, mostly formatting, edits. For non-formatting, larger changes, I marked with an asterisk to comment on the site later - like now! You can see each of what I changed at http://pastebin.com/m2b1a27b1 , and I'll just mark the most commenty comments here, and you can respond to both! :D
Well, this being the shortest chapter, there's not too much to say. There's some parts that could be rewritten for conciseness: "so that it seemed almost like" and "which was that they were" specifically. I also note the recurring combination of 'feeling' adjectives - "sadly", "fearfully", "disbelieving" - and nouns that wouldn't usually get them. Personification is all well and good, and I could see it with the first example of the town, I suppose, but… yeah.
One question: if a few of the Legendaries were still alive, whole, and breathing, why didn't Mew save them? Why create a new one… let me look up 25 again… yeah, if he wanted to "save everything that could be saved", it seems like he could have started with those easier ones - perhaps create Chaletwo along with that, but not solely.
Okay! \o/ Also, I don't think the printable version links are working for some reason.
[07/03/2009 20:09:53]
shadow_lugia
Story: The Quest for the Legends (ILCOE)
Chapter: Chapter 1: The Pokémon on the Road
"His mother went back upstairs and got some old clothes of Mark he didn’t fit into anymore."
Is this a typo or something? o.OReply: The ILCOE's early chapters are messed up in terms of wording. Don't mind it.
[03/10/2009 23:13:29]
Sui
Story: The Quest for the Legends (ILCOE)
Chapter: Chapter 1: The Pokémon on the Road
What does AW stand for again?Reply: It's an abbreviation standing for when a portal to the animal world was opened and communications between the two worlds began.
[01/31/2009 03:48:42]
Kyotou
Story: The Quest for the Legends (ILCOE)
Chapter: Chapter 1: The Pokémon on the Road
Wow! I love how this story is so detailed! I feel like I'm in the story! ^^
[12/24/2008 22:05:01]
Sui
Story: The Quest for the Legends (ILCOE)
Chapter: Chapter 1: The Pokémon on the Road
I am doing this for one reason.
On www.trsrockin.com/fools06.html
,
there is a scorplack that is slightly darker and fuzzier than the one in your sprite collecton…Reply: That fake award was my contribution to the joke.
[09/28/2008 22:51:25]
Pages: 1