08/25/2010: Chapter 55 up
Here we go.Chapter 55: Unprepared
Thanks go to elyvorg for a very helpful beta-read.
COMMENTARY DONE
Comments
Kevin (08/25/2010 23:22:45)
Thank you!
Kevin (08/25/2010 23:32:53)
I found an error. The italics tag.Is Suicune going to do anything meaningful with the rest of his life that he hasn’t already done in the past thousand years?
Kevin (08/25/2010 23:33:50)
…Ironic. I tell you about an error in tags, and in doing so, I do the same thing.
darthjarjar (08/26/2010 00:52:11)
wow :O that was an intense chapter :o just… wow :O
Chaos16 (08/26/2010 01:15:41)
Well that certainly through a wrench in their plan. Two questions though:
1. Approximately what level(s) are all of the trainers' Pokémon at this time in the fic?
2. Will there be a wordbuilding article about the Waterberg principle to supplement the dialogue about it in the chapter? (Personally, I think I get the general idea of it, but I'd be more than happy to learn more about it)
Anyway, great chapter as always
Butterfree (08/26/2010 07:33:40)
1. Approximately what level(s) are all of the trainers' Pokémon at this time in the fic?Around 60-70, with May's somewhat higher than Mark's.2. Will there be a wordbuilding article about the Waterberg principle to supplement the dialogue about it in the chapter? (Personally, I think I get the general idea of it, but I'd be more than happy to learn more about it)Yeah. It will have graphs.
Shadow Serenity (08/26/2010 14:39:07)
Copy/pasted from my comment on the chapter, just so no one else has to point it out:
One thing I noticed, though, is that when Mark was looking for his pokemon, he is carrying 7: Charizard, Jolteon, Letaligon, Sandslash, Dragonite, Scyther, and Gyarados.
At first I thought that perhaps this was intentional, that you decided to disregard the six-pokemon limit due to the nature of the plot/chapter. But then there was the scene where May actively switched out Mutark, and then actually made a comment about carrying 6 pokemon. Therefore, I assume Mark wasn't meant to have all seven on him at the time.
elyvorg (08/26/2010 16:51:59)
Whoo! This is probably the only time one of my occasional beta-reads has been significantly useful. xP But yeah, it does seem to flow together a lot better now. :3
Butterfree (08/26/2010 19:15:02)
One thing I noticed, though, is that when Mark was looking for his pokemon, he is carrying 7: Charizard, Jolteon, Letaligon, Sandslash, Dragonite, Scyther, and Gyarados.Mm, not exactly. You're presumably talking about when he stands up to go look for the dragons in the evening, but at that point he explicitly does not have Gyarados out; though he sends Gyarados out a little later, he's never after that point mentioned to still have everyone else out (or I don't think so, anyway), so there's an implicit switch there. Maybe it should be explicit, but there are never explicitly seven Pokémon out at once, either.
Shadow Serenity (08/26/2010 19:36:06)
He stood up and shook Charizard’s shoulder gently to wake him while looking around for the others. Jolteon and Letaligon were having a practice battle a short distance away; Sandslash and Dragonite were talking elsewhere. Scyther sat near the cliffside, staring out at the dark sea. He wished he could have let Gyarados out, but Chaletwo had been too worried he would do something drastic to destroy the soul gems if he was left unattended.
“Everyone,” he called, taking out the Water Pokémon’s ball, “get ready.”
I guess this is the part that confused me… the first six are out of their pokeballs already, but it implies that Mark is still carrying Gyarados with him at the time as well. It doesn't say he switched someone to the PC, just that he took out the ball.
opaltiger (08/27/2010 00:39:11)
Yeah. It will have graphs.
I cannot wait.
elyvorg (08/27/2010 18:44:14)
Thought: you should totally add to Alan's character ramble with something about this. It's pretty much the most psychologically interesting thing he's done so far in the fic, and I'd love to read more about what exactly is going on in his head right now. :3
Pure Umbreon (08/27/2010 21:14:47)
Loved this chapter. I really was happy with the way you fleshed out Alan's personality! Continually berating May like it will change anything, and leaving instead of trying to comprehend and understand.
Butterfree (08/27/2010 21:16:11)
Thought: you should totally add to Alan's character ramble with something about this. It's pretty much the most psychologically interesting thing he's done so far in the fic, and I'd love to read more about what exactly is going on in his head right now. :3Oh, I am going to. I just haven't gotten around to it yet.